does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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