I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize