I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
