xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize