she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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