I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
