yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
