apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
only if we run a train.
done.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
