im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize