So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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