i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
