Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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