I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
