I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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