This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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