so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
