one two three fourrrrnication!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
