I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
