You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need moral support for this bender
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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