Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize