My first STD was from a foam party
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
