I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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