I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize