Already got asked if we're dating
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Houston, we have a blender
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
