i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
