You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
