I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
did i just pee glitter
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
