took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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