I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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