Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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