ugly people sure do ruin things
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize