You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
