me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
