Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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