I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
