I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
