There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
