idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
