You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
