after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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