the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
