It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
