I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
