Already got asked if we're dating
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he fucked my hip out of place.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
