I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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