My hand turned me down
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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