Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
