I accidentally burped into my bong.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
