remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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