I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
