You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
