"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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