I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
