dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
