toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
