So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
