If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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