DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
be right there i have to get my cape
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
