you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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