I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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