well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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