Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
