do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize