It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
