I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize