I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
