So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
