He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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