I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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