dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
