It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
