If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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