Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
