All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Text me some of your sweat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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