my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
