11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
